Finding our place in this world, and my sanity

We are searching for our place in this world. We don't know were we will be at the end of this month but that is ok. Everything will fall into place. I have faith. I am leaving this in Gods hands. He will put us were we need to be. We have a couple of fillers out for some houses to rent. We will see where that leads us. I woke up this morning extremely tired and overwhelmed. Before leaving my room I took a moment to bow my head and talk to God about putting some calm in me until we can figure out what is going on with my medicine. I have been hearing the voices for the past two weeks and my anxiety medicine does not seem to be helping anymore either. This is not a very good combination of things to be happening. I will be fine, just irritable at times for the time being. Sounds like classes will run smooth today and that helps. Fingers crossed for a great day. I hope everyone has a great day! *D*

hating not having control of a situation....

I know what I want to do. It may change more than I change my panties but you know what, thats my perogative. Today, I was presented with someting that would completely change the course of how things might go for me, and I am happily ok with that. I just now have to work on my better half and hopefully be able to work out some knicks. It would definately lessen some of the things I have been worrying about lately. Some things in life are just more important and that is just the way it is. I am sorry this blog is so decriptive but I don't want to go into to much detail till some decisions are made. I am asking for prayers for my husband and I as a big decision needs to be made. *D*

Oh what a Monday morning....

Oh man, I didn't want to get up this morning. I could have very easily have slept all day. had every intention of getting up this morning and doing some exercising but I did not sleep well last night. I will get back on track after classes today. Thinking I might go swimming again today. I have a pretty easy schedule today. Mobility will probably be my most strenuous thing today. And I enjoy mobility. I really need to do some braille after school today as well. I have slacked off way to much lately and that is so unlike me. I need to get back on track. Speaking of Braille, I completely just thought of a tattoo I want. I know, you're probably asking what Braille and a tattoo have in common? Well I have something I want tattooed on me in script and I think either above it or below it I will have it done in braille. Some might not understand why I would want to do that but you know what....oh well. I feel like I have such a connection with Braille it just seems appropriate. If I could have the braille raised on my skin I would do that. But the only way I could think to do that would be very painful and very pricey so tatting it is. *D*

Day 2 of my journey to the new me....

Well to start off I must say, I had a pretty good time at Dining in the Dark last night (even though I just worked bidder registration). Hoping I can either repeat that next year or move up a step...to whatever that may be. Fast forward to today... I have not exercised yet. I spent most of my day sleeping and cuddling with the husband. But now I have my work out clothes on, sneakers laced up and I'm ready to do this. This is my plan. 5 minutes on the elliptical (lord help me, my muscles hate this machine) , 15 minutes on the tredmill, 2 miles on the bike, 15 more minutes on the treadmill. Later tonight I will do my planks, wall sits, squats, and lunges and then before I get in the shower I will do some of the hot yoga moves I looked up. After that it will be time to shower then head to bed. Hopefully this will make for a good nights sleep. My eating habits have not been the greatest thus far today so I need that extra push in my exercises to get back on track. I need to really work hard on changing these habits. I think this will be my biggest hurdle. I have ate this way for so long it will definetely take time to break this bad habit. I'm trying to think about what I'm going to make for dinner tonight that can be healthier. Maybe some baked porkchops, grean beans, and some stuffing ( I know is not healthy but if I don't over indulge I should be fine). Tomorrow will be my first day of getting up at 5:30 so I can do some light exercising to get my blood pumping before classes. That being said, I have grown to be be a not so pleasent morning person so I'm going to need to work on that. Okay, well here I go, off to exercise. Everyone have a great rest of the day! *D*

I have to get this weight off

I am the heaviest I have ever been ( a whopping 295lbs, I look it so why be ashamed to say it except for the fact I let myself get this heavy) and I can't take it anymore. I am so unhealthy. Starting today I am going to do better. If I can beat drugs I can beat this. I woke up this morning and went to the work out room and walked the hill option on the treadmill for 25 mins and did two miles on the bike, and yesterday I spent about 1 1/2 hours in the pool. It's not much but it's a start. I have a number in my head of how much I want to lose and by when. I am not going to tell anyone because I want this to be my thing. I will be accountable if I don't work out, eat better, and reach that goal. I am to lazy and I need to kick that bad habit in the butt. I think I will alternate my work out to were I won't get tired of the same old thing. I'm thinking alternating days. One day exercising in the pool and the next exercising in the workout room. And when we are no longer here at the hotel I will just have to come up with my own work out routine to do in our apartment. Maybe to get myself use to that idea I will find some simple workouts to do in the morning when I get up before I start getting ready for class and for before I go to bed. Yoga maybe? I've been more interested in trying that out lately. Maybe if I get this weight off it will help with my blood pressure and these dang migraines. If not, oh well it was worth a try. So here's my plan: 1. Exercise daily for at least (starting out) a half hour (alternating between swimming and working out) 2. Eat healthier 3. Eat smaller portions 4. Drink more water, less tea (oh my weakness) 5. (TRY) to cut out sweets and replace them with some fresh fruit. Instead of eating a candy bar/cookie I'll eat an orange or another fruit. 6. Do stretches/yoga in the morning before I start getting ready for class and before I go to bed. 7. Weigh in once a week (if possible) to track my progress So I have shared my starting weight. I may post periodically what my weight is so you all will see what kind of progress I'm making. *side note, I need to get a scale lol. May have to snap a picture of the weight and text it to someone so they can tell me what it says since I won't be see it. Well I'm off to search the web for some yoga moves for plus size me :) Onwards and Upwards! I will conquer this! As of 4/27/2013 295 lbs

I am stronger than I feel

I woke up feeling like I was drowning. Like I wasn't going to make it through the day with my sanity. I have since talked to some of my support system here at Bosma and I am feeling better. I can make it through my latest struggles. Positive thoughts. I just have to keep telling myself I can make it through. That I am stronger than my demons. I will not let them drag me down. They will not control me. Music will be my outlet today. I'm feeling the Killswitch Engage vibrating me. I love so many different types and genres of music and this is what I am feeling today. I want to hear the screaming of the words and the pumping of the music. This will be one of my coping go tos today.